Mixed Emotions

Well my computer is being a pain so I can't get any pics uploaded at this moment. I am working on it. I have a cute video I want to show. I bought Isabella some balloons today and she has been hanging on to them and bouncing them around. It is so cute.
I am starting to notice some problems with her and this aneurysm. She is coughing like crazy and she just coughs and coughs until she pukes and poops. She has been doing this but it is worse now. She started to spike a temp but it went back down. They don't want her to get sick at this point because she needs open heart. They don't want to start antibiotics for a just in case because then that would delay them doing a heart cath. I tell you I was optamistic but then I realized that things never go as planned. I am just sooooo scared right now. I am scared that if she is sick that will put off surgery. I up until this point kind of forgot just how fragile she is. Yes, it is always there and I do know that she is at risk for just about anything, but she has been just so strong for so long. Well now today with her starting to show some signs of something wrong, it just brings me back to reality. Isabella is sick. Her heart has problems. I know that cardiology seems very optamistic about the surgery, which is good, but I am scared. I am scared for them to cut her open again. I am scared of a super long recovery again. I just don't want a repeat of last year. We were just really getting used being home and the girls were in a routine, Madison has not been having any nightmares for a few months. But now here we are. It is just hard not to think-IS THIS A REPEAT OF LAST YEAR!!!! Because I don't think I can handle it. I am praying so hard that she recovers quickly and that she goes home and stays home for a very very long time. So there it is all of my mixed up emotions. Hopeful, optamistic and scared!!

I don't know if everyone realizes it or not, but the family we have been requesting prayer for, the Boeckmans, are actually here in the same hospital as we are. What is crazy about all of this is that over the last few months Amy and I along with Micah have been this great support system for each other over the blog. Amy and I found each other because of Micah and Gabi's story. However, Amy and I have never met. So, we are hopefully going to get a chance to do that very soon. It is crazy has things work out. Out of all of the times we could have ended up here, it is when Ava is here on ecmo. I am sure that as we have been supports for each other over the blog, we can now be supports for each other here at CMH. I tell you, God always has a plan!! And as always please keep Ava in your prayers, she is still fighting.

One last note, we are going to have Isabella baptised tomorrow. It was one of those things that we kept meaning to do, but for some reason or another it always fell through. So we will hopefully have pics of that when I figure out why my computer won't let me upload.
Enough rambling for tonight. Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers. We need them and will take all that we can get!!

Okay one more last thing, Isabella is going to be here for a few more weeks so if anyone would like to help with decorating her room, we would love for you to send drawings, cards, or anything that will liven up this place!! We can hang stuff on the walls. If you would like to mail them:
Childrens Mercy Hospitals
PICU
Isabella Gudde
2401 Gilliham Road
Kansas City, MO 64108
P.S. Isabella loves to get mail!!!

So really that is it!!! Goodnight to all